If Julie Fell

OH friends, where to begin. Clearly I have been on a blog hiatus. I haven’t had a great deal of time and to be honest I haven’t had a really any inspiration for blog topics. Work is busy and hectic and much like any office job after spending a solid portion of my daily existence staring into a computer screen the last thing I really want to do when I get home is pop on my laptop and delve back into that neon light yet again.

I’ve really not been up to much as of late, I read three books in 2.5 weeks - from topics that included a romantic love story involving time travel (for my book club…go ahead…laugh…yes, I am in a book club, one that I helped to start and NO this was not my suggestion), one about Vegas and MIT card counters, and one sarcastic tale of a girls quarter life crisis where she runs away from her stable guy, job and frankly her life. (For the record I was not the author of the last one…crazy, I know).

Besides reading and working I have been busy over-analyzing my personal life, making rash statements, being a brat and a general pain to be around - so all in all I’ve been a total peach.

Today I was cleaning through a pile of files from when I left my former job and came across a thumb drive that I hadn’t seen for long amount of time. My curious nature set in and I popped it in. WHOA there trip down memory lane - among other artifacts from my college computer included on this thumb drive was a folder of what I guess post-college graduation I determined was music that had to be taken off my old computer. Mostly Glen Philips, some early pre-signed John Mayer, Jimmy Eat World, The Roots, Lisa Loeb and Dire Straits.

For some strange reason I have the hardest time expressing my emotions, feelings and train of thought when it comes to really, well anything beyond giving others advice, my opinions or work. When it comes to my own life I am clueless. Clue. Less. As of late it’s resulted in a number of long, drawn out and hard to follow “conversations” with The Sox Fan. When I added all the aforementioned historic J-Dub life music/college soundtrack to my iTunes tonight I could remember exactly how I felt at the time where this music was integrated into my daily life, I could remember what I was emotionally going through and now that I guess I am looking back on it I can know what I “should” have done or what was a bad idea for me in dealing with life. I found it partially alarming that the only way I am able to gain insight into my life was through music I used to listen to 6 years ago…so I’ll be shifting my energy to analyzing this new revelation.

So “The Selects” is a fancy name that basically means captures those special handful of songs in your life that will always be something special and meaningful to you. They can capture an entire relationship or a monnumnetal day. Examples of “The Selects” would be: your first kiss song, your wedding song/first dance, the song that was playing when you found out something tragic. Just those songs that will always take you immediately back to a certain thing or person.

Here are a few of my selects:

“You Look Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton - after many years, and many, many, MANY music conversations this was identified as my favorite song of all time. There is an acoustic version that is total magic and is sensational. No joke. Plus, this song was requested and dedicated to me at every sorority or fraternity social function I went to by The Officer - which I think I took for granted at the time but really is quite endearing and tender - which is even harder for me to say.

“At Last” by Etta James - While unmarried at this point in my life (*whew*) I still think this song is so wedding perfect - which is a bold statement in itself since I am a little (read: A LOT) commitment phobic. The song is actually quite short and therefore perhaps not the best first dance song but a great formal introduction of the bride and groom song - sadly, this is really the only thing I know for sure I would want at my wedding. And the reason I say sadly is because marriage still does make me a bit twitchy. Don’t get me wrong - it’s great and all - I’m just not in the marriage frame of mind currently. Again (*whew).”

“Twisted” by Keith Sweat - Didn’t see that one coming did you. Well I’m not saying I’m some closet Keith Sweat fan (I’m not by the way) but during Junior High many of my friends held “parties” - I use the quotations because they were not parties in the sense familiar to most people which contain booze and wildly inappropriate antics - they were mostly in people’s garages or daylight basements with streamers, some moderate sound system and dancing/hanging out - 95% harmless. Anyhow, during this time frame Keith Sweat was quite popular and when his slow jams would play it was immediately called to everyone’s attention what boy liked what girl, who were couples, who were dating, etc. So “Twisted” reminds me of junior high and the best part - those boys and girls are still some of my close friends and when I see the boys mostly this song always comes to mind.

“Konstantine” by Something Corporate - This one literally covers the full spectrum of a friendship, years of bad timing/feelings confusion, a somewhat functional relationship, betrayal of trust and breakdown of anything at this point close to civil. The song lyrically and musically covers all the bases - while you might imagine this hard, it’s not. Look up the lyrics. This song still evokes a lot of emotion in me - it used to be something giddy and happy, it then became something sad and depressing and now it’s frustration and anger. I love this song - it’s fantastic and some part of me appreciates that one song, the 9 minutes and some odd seconds that can capture me so fully - but it’s almost too much for me at this point.

My favorite part:

This is to a girl
Who got into my head
With all the pretty things she did

This is to a girl
Who got into my head
With all these fucked up things I did

It’s not hard to dream, you’ll always be my Konstanine - they’ll never hurt you like I do.

“Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty - Tom Petty will always remind me of Hodgkin’s, of being 16 and driving my gold Volvo sedan with the sunroof down in the sun, of outdoor concerts and flip flops down at the river, at friends playing acoustic guitar, of Frisbees in the park and of just pure unfiltered fun. Free Fallin’ makes me smile every time - it can make my day better. The other day in the midst of a stressful day while sick I heard a portion of it at work and it made me slightly distracted and content. Oh T.P.

*If this is your first time with the Savvy 6 no worries, you can still be considered an early adopter to this blog segment seeing as how this is only installment #2. Basically it’s my iTunes on shuffle and I tell stories to 6 songs.

“Overprotected” - Britney Spears
Weird. Well I guess since I own all of Britney’s albums it was only a matter of time before she showed up on the Savvy 6. This is one of my favorite’s because of the fun, rebelious vibe, “I’m so fed up with people telling me to be someone else but me.” Ironic, isn’t it. Maybe if Britney was a little less overprotected she wouldn’t be having a mental breakdown in the middle of LA for the entire world to see…just sayin.

“Rockin in the Free World” - Pearl Jam; Live at the Gorge July 22, 2006
Was I at this concert. Yes. Every rock music fan should have the opportunity to see one of their favorite artists at a venue like The Gorge. It’s in the middle of no where, it’s b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l, and if one of your favorite bands is Pearl Jam just know they love playing there and their shows there are like they are never going to play together again. They are so intense about it their opening act is themselves, a little bit acoustic and a little less 15 minute guitar solo but they are awesome and I love the Live at the Gorge series because it takes me right back to those fantastic summers with my BF Eddie rockin’ out.

“Desperately” - Michelle Branch
WTF is Michelle Branch haunting me? This is off the same album as the previous Savvy 6 post. But I do like this song because I think she basically pegs all of my romantic situations with the following “I keep giving in, but I should know better, ‘Cause there was something ’bout the way you looked at me”. Perhaps Michelle Branch is my doppelganger….

“Beautiful Day” - U2
First Pearl Jam and now U2 - in the same Savvy 6?!? Fantastic. One of my life goals is to see U2 Live in Ireland. I think it would be a perfect excuse to travel to Ireland and I could only imagine their shows there are brilliant. This song just always makes me happy - that and it makes me want to dance around my apartment - like Charlie’s Angels Cameron Diaz dancing. Yikes. But it just makes me pumped up and ready to tackle anything. Nicely done Bono.

“In Another Life” - Ashlee Simpson
Bet you thought I would be too embarrased to let the worldwide web know I owned Ashlee Simpson’s album…too bad. I know she lip syncs, I know she has a crazy witch chin, I don’t care. I like the fact that her songs are mindless pop rock - this is perfect gym playlist material BTW. “Everywhere you go is everywhere I’ve been, You finish all my sentences before they begin” - you know that great feeling in a relationship when the other person is just so damn compatible to you and makes the perfect compliment to your life - like they just fit? That’s what this song is to me. But then again it could have been sung by anyone - lucky you Ashlee Simpson, lucky you.

“It’s Only Rock and Roll (But I Like It)” - Rolling Stones
I credit my classic rock genes to my dad. He’s a good guy and he likes to listen to his classic rock CD’s loudly in my mom’s car - and I love that. This one is just such a feel good classic rock piece and is most likely in heavy rotation in jukeboxes and karaoke machines in dive bars nationwide. I would like to clarify that I do not and have not ever had a crush on Mick Jagger. Gross.

So there you have it - hopefully this was a little more satisfying than my previous alternative rock playlist who I heard from some people was too generic. This Savvy 6 Part 2 appears to offer more range - I mean really, what person appreciates Britney Spears, Pearl Jam and the Rolling Stones in one setting. I do. Hence why I rock.

I’ve had a number of people lately ask me for recommendations for new music. Maybe it’s because I played the violin for a number of years, (save your stereo-typical Asian comments) but I find that music is a universal language. Music has something to offer every person, it can match your various moods and well, it’s just awesome. I always like finding a new artist and soaking up all their material so when they hit it big (like most of my pics usually do) I don’t have to be just another listener who discovered them while they are being over-played on a Top 40 radio station.

I often hear songs and think of where they would be applicable in my life, as if my life was some movie being made and I was able to create a soundtrack…p.s. if you are ever on a road trip or long flight this is a great mental exercise to keep yourself from passing out or getting forced into watching a crappy movie…not that I can say that’s happened to me, “hypothetically”.

So here we go blog readers, a new feature - I’m going to share a sampling of the shuffle feature on my iTunes and a short review of why I recommend it, why I like it, what I like about it…basically whatever I want to write about it. It’s shuffle so you never know what you will get - the one spontaneous thing I like in my life.

Anywho, I like music, music likes me. I’m thinking about making music my Valentine for 2008. Learn about it.

Here it goes, the Savvy 6:  *It’s my blog, I’ll call it what I want.

“Show Me” - John Legend
First, John Legend is amazing in concert. Yes his audiences are a huge crossroads of various age groups - he was on Oprah - which explains the phenomenon of a 45 year old married couple being seated next to 21 year old girls in outfits that some consider lingerie. Second, I like this song because it reminds me that sometimes all the analyzing will lead you no where, and you just need to relax and wait - “I need a sign, something I can see, why all the mystery?

“Mayfield” - Augustana
I stumbled upon Augustana accidentally and thought they were just another Third Eye Blind type of sound…then I realized, I like Third Eye Blind. This has the great one line chorus of “Oh are we gonna make it?” - totally the song that I love having the sun roof open to and blaring as I drive on the afternoon of a crisp but sunny day.

“Run” - Snow Patrol
This is one of those songs that can take you back to an exact time/circumstance in your life. No matter how hard you want to disconnect it to that memory it will always be there. It’s just a memorable instance in your life history, for me this song is senior year of college, another mix tape from an emotionally confused dude, another mixed signal - pretty standard. Great song though, my favorite part: “You’ve been the only thing that’s right in all I’ve done and I can barely look at you, but every single time I do, I know we’ll make it anywhere.”

“The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore” - James Morrison
I adore James Morrison, his album is one that I constantly have in my car and can listen to on repeat for hours, days, at this point months on end. It’s one of those songs that just strikes a cord with me - maybe it’s just been a good fit for the way I think and operate but I do love this one. “It’s time to surrender, It’s been to long pretending, There’s no use in trying, When the pieces don’t fit anymore.”

“Sing Me Sweet” - Matt Nathanson
For some reason this song always comes on when I am at the gym and everytime I breeze past it because it reminds me of Sunday Morning. A calm, serene, wake up to a late breakfast and face the day type of song that shouldn’t haunt me while I am sweating on a treadmill. Matt Nathanson opened for Guster I believe 3 years ago in Portland and I was fully smitten. Then I found out he went to college with a friend of mine’s sister…maybe there’s hope for me to become some guitar boy’s roadie/wifey yet! “Say you’ll never let me go, Cause i’ve gone long enough, waiting for wonderful” - who wouldn’t want that written about them…

“Where Are You Now?” - Michelle Branch
I laughed when this came up. For some reason people tell me I look like Michelle Branch - and in the handful of times this has happened the people seem genuinely shocked when I tell them, no, people don’t tell me that every day. They must see something I don’t. I do love this song because I consider this one of the J-Dub anthems. I used to hear this song when I was traveling all the time at the former workplace and it’s got this great guitar, rock out vibe with lyrics that basically capsulized all of the things I would think about when I was halfway around the world, over analyzing and well, being me.

So that’s the first edition of the Savvy 6. Hope you enjoyed this installment.

Alright, people. It’s been a long week so in order to feed the blog hungry readers I will give you a short glimpse into my head in what has been one of the busier weeks I’ve had in a long time. Work has been busy - managing client deliverables, projects, estimates and schedules, my personal life has been busy - managing personal time, time with friends and my emotional questions of myself and others as of late. I get that this is a vague generalization but let’s just say this: Things are a bit fuzzy with me. That is the best way to describe it.

Usually when things get fuzzy in my life, as they tend to do from time to time, I become a little more introverted and end up finding one or two songs that go on to repeat: in the car, on the iPod and at work.

Here’s the current track running loops through my life:

You Give Me Something - James Morrison

You want to stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep,
I was meant to tread the water
Now I’ve gotten in too deep,
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away.

‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
‘Cause someday I might call you from my heart,
But it might me a second too late,
And the words I could never say
Gonna come out anyway.

I’m at a cross roads right now. For the first time in a long time (possibly ever - scary I know) I am at a place where I am pretty comfortable with myself. I know what I like and what I don’t. I know what I will stand for and what is intolerable. I’ve surrounded myself with good people and family and allowed myself to create a distance with those that aren’t worth it.

You may not believe this but one of my bigggest issues is putting others feelings and needs before my own. I’m actually a very caring person - didn’t see that coming did you. It’s a blessing and a curse, but such is life.

Like I said, things are fuzzy, the future is unknown and all you can really count on is that there’s always tomorrow. Well unless the sun burns out, but at least we won’t know for 8 minutes (yes, I learned that in Astronomy 121 or 122 or 123).

I am an over-analyzer. Plain and simple, I take situations, feelings, contemplations large and small and break them down. I make lists about pro’s and con’s. I create alternate solutions, I turn the grey area of situations into a full spectrum of shades of grey and I have no idea why.

This is one of my charming character traits, kind of like being the girl who always has chapstick or an extra bobby pin - I can always be counted on to talk through and analyze anything. I suppose I use “charming” in its loosest sense. 

One would think anyone who is this intense about over-analyzing would have expressing their feelings down to an art form. Well maybe some people do, I do not. Not even close.

 I don’t know when it started but I have this strong connection with song lyrics. I’ve been known to make full playlists to attempt to explain why I feel a certain way. I’m not going to be all emo right now and burn you a mix CD - don’t get your hopes up. 

When I find a new song I like on the first listen the next step is always searching out the lyrics. For you the blog reader’s enjoyment here is a portion of one of my favorite current songs:

Come Home, by OneRepublic 

There’s someone I’ve been missing

I think that they could be

The better half of me

They’re in their own place trying to make it right

But I’m tired of justifying

So i say  to you..

Come home

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

For so long

And right now there’s a war between the vanities

But all i see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

So come home

Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud

Until then…

Come home 

Everything I can’t be

Is everything you should be

And that’s why I need you here

Everything I can’t be

Is everything you should be

And that’s why I need you here

So hear this now

Come home