That Britney’s Shameless…

7 Jan

Oh Britney, I don’t even know where to begin. FACT: I am a Britney fan.

At the tender age of 16 my three best girlfriends and I decided to dress up like Britney from each of her at the time hit music videos. From that night forward we were hooked – we went to her concert, we made Britney bracelets with various colored beads signifying our friendship and Britney affection (my color was purple). Our affinity for Ms. Spears carried into purchasing her CD’s on release day and engaging in many an email and phone conversation regarding her antics.

I think JW2 and I have taken it to the furthest level over the years- when Britney and Justin broke up we took her side, when she started wearing uber cut off denim shorts and frolicking on the beach with KFed we remained loyal fans. Hell, when she got married and had the Chaotic TV show we bought People magazine to see her wedding album and watched as she paraded all over Europe making out with a back-up dancer baby’s daddy. It’s been like a marriage – for better or worse, sickness and health.

The last couple years have been tough, the back to back baby boys, the dissolving of her marriage, the crazy partying, the shaved head, the WEIRD outfits and strange public outbursts (i.e. see through tops sans bras and beating on paparazzi cars with umbrellas). Then she released her CD Blackout – p.s. fantastic name choice BTW – and everyone thought The Comeback was on the horizon. The CD, it was great, it even garnished positive reviews which one wouldn’t really expect given her wacked out personal life. But these latest shenanigans are putting me close to the edge.

I feel bad for the girl, I couldn’t imagine leading a life where your every move (literally) was under a microscope and millions of people are discussing you constantly. It makes me shudder to even think about. Does living this life of media scrutiny since the age of 16 make her behavior ok? No, the answer is no it does not – but I can’t imagine how she could not be a little crazy with all she’s been through.

Bottom line here’s what I would say to Brit if we ever get the chance for me to play Dr. Phil in an intervention:

Dear Britney,

You have two small children – get your act together. If you are not on drugs then commit yourself to a rehab facility or a funny farm. Get some help. Buy some Victoria’s Secret PINK underwear. Raise your standards – hook up with some hot guys for once. Get a few assistants that are not gold diggers or back stabbers – make sure not to directly link yourself to them in person and let them go to the 7-11 to stock up on Cheeto’s or Starbucks for gallon sized Frappacinos.

Get your life together, get back in shape, make time for your kids, record more damn music that I can dance around to.

The End.

What, you want a piece of me?

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