Just Say It.

14 Mar

It’s been one of those weeks. You know the one’s that are just d-r-a-i-n-i-n-g. Work is busy and busy is good, I like being busy, but this wasn’t just busy it was hectic. Since I work well under pressure I welcome the fast pace but no matter how early I went to bed this week (and there were times where it was like elementary school kid early…well for me…so like 10pm) I just could not get enough sleep. I had a terrible time dragging myself out of the comfort of my bed. It probably didn’t help that I was waking up naturally at 4am and then again at 6:30am…which was super annoying FYI.

Now I can’t blame this long week just on work – although I’m going to say a long work week has about 88% of the blame in these scenarios. I think my exhausted feeling has a lot to do with the extensive over-analyzing and weighing of options in a couple life situations I have been going through.

Sometimes I wish I lacked the filter, much like a 16 year old woman featured on the bag of Doritos’s at today’s lunch BBQ…well maybe I wouldn’t want to take it as far as to turrets. But I wish at times I was one of those people that could just say how I feel, get it off my chest, not think through all the scenarios of what will/could happen after those sentences have left my throat and just put it all out there. Just say whatever I need to say.

Alas, I can’t. I can’t help but think past the immediate. I can’t help but do for other people what I would want done for me. I can’t help but try and understand where other people are coming from and I can’t just acknowledge that what’s best for me might be the hardest thing for me to actually go out and do. I can’t bring myself to take the advice that I would surely give to a friend in my situation.

Maybe it’s not about I can’t – I’m sure if someone gave me to ultimatum to either never wear fabulous and comfortable shoes again for the rest of my life I could find it in me to do what I need to do. But there are no dire ultimatums in this situation and while fabulous and comfortable may not exist in every pair of shoes I own but there is always one of the two.

So today, at the end of a tiring work week I unfortunately still don’t think I’m ready to say all that I need to say. I’d like to think it’s because of that long stressful work week. I’d like to think that after a refreshing night of sleep and the knowledge of no alarm clock in the morning I’ll be ready. But I think this is going to be one of those life situations where the internal struggle is always going to be better than the implications of saying all that I need to say. At least that’s the plan of record…for now.

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